Satire from The Onion:
Stating that he had not yet fulfilled the labors set forth by Eurystheus to the satisfaction of the Mycenaean king, mythic hero Hercules announced Monday that for the 35th time in 3,000 years he will run for Greensboro City Council.
While many are familiar with the 12 labors of Hercules, it is not as widely known that the Greek demigod failed to successfully complete his sixth task, killing the man-eating, bronze-winged birds of Stymphalus. Though his arrows slew many of the feathered beasts, several escaped, and as a result, Hercules was given a 13th labor to complete before he could know peace.
"I must pay penance for the murder of my wife and children," Hercules said. "So spoke the Oracle at Delphi. And to do so, King Eurystheus, servant of Hera and my most loathed cousin, has decreed that I must be justly elected to the City Council of Greensboro, District 2, currently held by Goldie Wells."
To complete his new task, Hercules first had to wait several millennia for the New World to be discovered and colonized, for democratic ideals to flourish during the Age of Enlightenment, and for the United States be founded and win its independence. He then had to move to North Carolina, become a naturalized citizen, and wait until the town of Greensboro was incorporated in 1829. When this was done, he established residency in the fledgling town and waited an additional 100 years for the second district to take form, at which point he began his numerous campaigns.
~ more... ~
No comments:
Post a Comment