Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Spoof: Wicca Finally Proven to Be a Hoax

Many offshoots of the original 'religion' have popped up since its first appearance in 1954. Originally, to become a member of a Wicca coven required a member of the opposite sex to 'initiate' them. Americanization and politics have caused many groups to disregard the original doctrine in favor on all female and solitary witch covens. Dianic Wicca is a feminist manifestation of the system created by Gardner. Kevin Carlyon, self proclaimed God and refers to himself as THE witch, was reported as saying, "Gardner stole his ideas from me."

Taking a first initiative, President George Bush, in a new faith based initiative, located the resting place in Tunisia of the reputed cult's leader, and had his body exhumed last month in an effort to settle the question of the would-be cultist's death. "These Wickers are a threat to the security of the United States, and intelligence reports that they may have weapons of mass destruction." Bush said at a White House press conference. "They have been using spells and fortune-casting to reveal national security secrets to the Islamic Jihad. Just like Helen Duncan, who in 1944 was using séances to spy on allied troops, we need to stop this threat before we have another 9/11.

Local authorities were happy to cooperate with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice saying, "If it will keep those Satan worshippers away from Allah's followers, it is a good thing." What Mrs. Rice and her taskforce found was a surprise, even to faithful Wiccans.

Gardner died of a supposed heart attack while at sea in February of 1964. Wiccans have speculated that his death was actually the result of an FBI 'religious cleansing operation' initiated by J. Edgar Hoover some years before. FBI Director Robert Mueller denied these allegations, but many still believe. Mueller said, "Gardner was small potatoes. The FBI has never had in interest in him, or his religion."
 
 

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