Bush Administration To Move Kurds To Alaska (satire)

Seeking to bolster its reputation as the planet's foremost proponent of peace, the Bush administration yesterday announced plans to solve a conflict that has been simmering for centuries. While novel and breathtaking in its approach, the solution may prove to be a hard sell to all parties involved.

"We propose to settle the Kurds on one of Alaska's Aleutian Islands," announced Sec. of State Condoleezza Rice when asked about the recent destabilizing events in Pakistan. "We shall call it Kurdaleut (pronounced kird-a-lute), and it shall become a beloved territory of the United States, much like that Puerto Rican place."

The history of antagonism between the Kurds in Iraq and their Turkish neighbor to the west goes back centuries, perhaps even eons. Cave painting recently discovered in Hankari, Turkey, show what many historians believe to be cavemen Turks sneaking up on cavemen Kurds and bopping them on the heads with clubs. The conflict even touched America's early shores, with one Kurd, Jebediah Abdullah Jones, coming to the New World on the Mayflower and, according to some experts, being the first to suggest that turkey be served at the original Thanksgiving feast.

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