Friday, February 1, 2008

The case of the island-hopping Bulgarian presidential aircraft

" ... On Wednesday Bulgarian President Georgi Parvanov made it all the way halfway to Mexico for an official visit together with a 50-member delegation of high-ranking Bulgarian public figures. The critically important Bulgarian-Mexican relations, however, were dealt a deadly blow for the President never reached his destination.

His plane had a problem with the front wheel carrier so it had to land on the Azores after flying around for 5 hours to burn its fuel before landing could be attempted. Some claim the problem was caused by a bird which got stuck in the wheel carrier, allegedly on purpose.

Luckily, Parvanov stayed out of trouble. He hanged out together with his high-ranking hang-outing delegation for a while on the Azores, then in Lisbon, and eventually showed up in Sofia well and alive.

Some insightful Bulgarian journalists, however, quickly figured that something is rotten in the state of Bulgaria. They remembered the main responsibilities of the Bulgarian Vice-President are to 1) pardon, i.e. let loose inveterate criminals; and 2) hope that the President dies so that he can become President. Could that kamikaze bird have had something to do with the VP?...

The current VP Angel Marin, now a major-general in the reserve, graduated with a gold medal from the Leningrad Artillery School back in the good old Warsaw Pact days, and used to be commander-in-chief of the Bulgarian Missile and Artillery Forces when we still had them.

Therefore, the conspiracy scenario does not seem very credible for two reasons. First, the VP Marin stated he felt deep disgust for the way his name was involved in the affair. Second, given his background he should know better how to shoot down a plane instead of engaging in a seditious conspiracy with a kamikaze bird.

Perhaps there really was a technical problem. The plane is a 30-year old Tu-154 from the days of the communist dictator Comrade Zhivkov, and has a large "Made in the USSR" stamp on it. Rumor has it the President uses this plane because of a secret clause in the South Stream gas transit pipeline agreement signed during Putin's recent visit to Bulgaria. It obliges Parvanov to use the same plane for 30 more years to advertise Russian aircraft industry around the world by attempting to carry out official state visits with it. In return, Bulgaria might some day get some good deal from Moscow. Or maybe it is just still the old trite Slavic solidarity motive. Who knows?

Whatever it is, it better be worth it as because of the Soviet machine, the president of the newest EU member had to adopt a strategy similar to that of the US armed forces against Japan in World War II known as "island hopping". His plane was scheduled to stop for refueling twice on its way to Mexico - first at the Azores, then at the Bermudas.

Fortunately the kamikaze bird chasing the plane all the way from VP Marin's office window, managed to catch up with it after the first refueling at the Azores. Had the bird had to complete its mission somewhere in the Bermuda triangle, the President might really have been lost. ... "
 
 

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